Pangarap ng Mahirap

“At walang sinuman sa kanila ang nangailangan sapagkat ipinagbili ng lahat na may mga tinatangkilik na mga lupa o mga bahay ang kanilang pag-aari. Kanilang dinala ang mga halaga ng mga bagay na ipinagbili.”

–Gawa 4:34

Noong Ika-21 ng Pebrero ay napanood namin ang dalawa sa hindi mapantayang dokumentaryo ng i-Witness na “Boy Pusit” at “Iskwater”. Nababasa ko lamang sa mga pahayagan at ilang mga artikulo sa internet ang tungkol sa mga mangingisda. Wala akong kaalam-alam masyado sa kanilang buhay dahil sa Maynila ay iilan lang naman sila. Hindi gaya ng iskwater na bawat sulok ata ng Kamaynilaa’y sila ang matatanaw.

Habang pinapanood ang mga nasabing dokumentaryo ay halos maluha ako. Hindi ko alam kung may pinapahiwatig ba ang Panginoon na kinakailangan kong makita ang realidad ng buhay na mas maswerte ako sa iba ngunit marami pa rin akong reklamo. Ang mga batang naglalayag sa karagatan upang makahuli ng mga pusit na kanilang ibinibenta ay may mga matataas na pangarap tulad ko. Ang kaibahan nga lang naming ay mas madali kong maaabot ang akin. Paano ba naman kasi? Hindi na sila makapag-aral dahil kinakailangan nilang maghanap-buhay. Ang mga iskwater naman ay nakakaawa ding tignan. Hindi ko magawang makita ang sitwasyon ng isang pamilya na sasampung piso (P 10.00) lamang ang budget upang makakain ng hapunan. Habang ang lahat ay nagpapahinga sa kani-kanilang tahanan at nagsasaya na walang pasok tuwing bumabagyo, ang mga iskwater ay walang laban na magmamatyag na lamang ng mga rumaragasang tubig dahil wala silang masisilungan. Mahirap man sila ay hindi pa rin nawawala ang ngiti sa kanilang mga labi. Ngiting nagdadala ng pag-asa na may dahilang bumangon pa sila kinabukasan. Kung sana lang ay maging sensitibo ang bawat isa sa atin sa mga pangangailangan ng mga tao sa ating paligid.

Noong ako’y bata pa lamang ay lagi akong pinaaalalahanan ng aking ina na kung ako’y maging mayaman ay huwag na huwag kong kalilimutang tumulong sa mga mahihirap. Ginawa daw kaming kasangkapan o instrument ng Diyos na magkaroon ng salapi upang ipamahagi sa iba.

Gaya nga ng nakasaad sa Panalangin ng Panginoon (The Lord’s Prayer), “Bigyan Niyo po kami ng aming kakanin sa araw-araw…(Give us this day our daily bread)” Ang hinihingi lang natin ay ang pang-araw-araw at kung may lalabis man ay hindi dapat tayo maging sakim. Nagmula rin sa mahirap ng pamilya ang Diyos upang maipakita sa atin na tayo’y napupuno ng kayamanan. Kung lahat tayo ay matututo magbahagi ng kayamanan, kasiyahan, biyaya at pagmamahal, wala nang sakim sa mundo. At malamang ang Ama sa Langit ay nakangiting sasabihing, “Mahal ko kayong mga anak ko.”

Huwag sana natin kalimutan ang mga mahihirap na gaya nila. Ang bawat sakripisyo ay ialay nating dasal para sa mga taong nagbabanat din ng mga buto sa araw-araw at walang sinuman sa kanila ang mangangailangan pa.

Ang Natatanging "Siya"

“Ano nanaman iyan? Babae?” and sikat na linya ng mga seminarista tuwing makikita nilang nagmumuni-muni ang isa sa mga kapatid sa seminaryo na tila may gustong malutas na problema. Paano naman kasi, totoo ngang may inspirasyon ang mga tulad namin. Marunong din kaming humanga sa babae dahil natural iyon sa pagiging lalaki namin. Ngunit hindi naman lahat ng mga seminarista ay masasabing ang inspirasyon sa buhay ay si Eva.

Para sa akin, may natatanging “siya”. Malapit ako sa Diyos. Hindi kayo nagkakamali, si Kristo nga ang tinutukoy kong inspirasyon lalung-lalo na sa mga oras na nalulungkot ako at gusto ko nang bumigay. Nasasabi ko nga minsan sa Kanya, “Ano ba iyan? Ang hirap mong sundan. Salamat at mahal mo ako kaya ko nagagawa ang lahat ng mga gusto mong ipagawa sa akin.” Si Kristo bilang inspirasyon ko ay napapamalas sa mga taong nagmamahal sa akin tulad ng aking ina. Sa aking bokasyong pagpapari, isa sa mga sisisihin at ipagmamalaki ng ibang tao ay ang aking ina. Noong siya’y hayskul pa lamang ay gusto raw niyang pumasok ng seminaryo, kaso unang kahilingan pa lang ay hindi na niya nakamit dahil nga babae siya. Kung naging lalaki nga lang daw siya ay nagpatuloy siyang maging pari. Pero ito ang nakakatuwang pangyayari sa buhay niya. Lahat ng mga napuntahan niyang lugar ay hindi raw niya akalaing magiging tahanan ko sa hinaharap tulad ng Novice House sa Manaoag, Pangasinan, Sto. Domingo Convent at ang Unibersidad de Santo Tomas kung saan siya nag-kolehiyo. May “foreshadowing” sa mga oras na iyon sa kanyang buhay.

Sa buong buhay ko, kalinga ng ina ang tangi kong nasilayan. Napapansin ko na hindi na siya bibili ng magagarang damit upang maipasuot lamang sa amin ang mga mamahalin at kilala sa tatak na mga kasuotan. Ipagpapalit niya ang bagay na kinawiwilian niya kung makikita niyang mas magiging masaya kaming mga anak niya. Isa siya sa mga masasabi kong “superwomen” ng buhay ko. Daig pa nga niya si Darna hindi lang sa ganda kundi pati na rin sa kalakasan. Kaya nga niyang magsilbing parehong nanay at tatay. Kung may mga oportunidad lang na ganoon sa mga naghahanap-buhay ay malamang pasok na siya. Pangit nga lang ay may shifting iyon at iyon ang bagay na hindi magagawa ng aking ina. Nanay siya kahit saan siya mapunta, malapit man ang mga anak o malayo, pasaway man kami o hindi, at kahit gabi man o umaga.

Dumating ang oras na ako’y natuto ring manligaw. Hindi tatay ang nagturo sa akin, nanay ko. Mas maganda yung ganoon kasi mas alam niya kung paano makukuha ang kiliti ng babae. Nagtampo ang nanay ko. Ako ang may kasalanan. Para kasing binigyan ko ng panahon ang pag-ibig na iyon kaysa sa aking ina. Nakapag-regalo ako sa babae noong dumating ang Araw ng mga Puso tapos sa nanay ko hindi. Laking lungkot ko rin noon dahil nasaktan ko nanay ko. Mas naipakita ko pang espesyal yung babae. Napagtanto ko lang talaga kamakailan na ang tanging babaeng magmamahal sa akin ay ang aking ina. Kinakailangan kong makipaghiwalay noon sa aking iniirog dahil gusto kong mabigyang hustisya ang desisyon ko na pumasok sa pagpapari. Masakit yung mga araw na iyon. Sobrang sakit! Tanging nanay ko ang tumulong sa aking hilumin ang sugat na iyon. Hindi ako nagiging madrama. Mahirap kasi talaga yung desisyon lalo na kung inaasahan ng mga tao na mas nararapat kang maging abugado, sundalo o pulitiko. Tanging nanay ko ang kauna-kaunahang sumuporta sa akin na abutin ko ang aking mga pangarap. Tuwing ako’y nagkakamali, pinapapatawad niya ako. Gaya rin ng Inang Birhen noong nangumpisal si Pedro na tumanggi siyang kasama niya si Hesus. Mabait nga raw akong anak kahit na medyo masungit ako sa ibang tao. Magaling magpakalma ng init ng ulo ko ang aking ina tuwing kakwentuhan ko siya sa mga bagay na kinaiinisan ko. Hindi na ako nagdadalawang-isip kung kailangang umiyak sa harap niya o kaya sa linya ng telepono dahil handa siya laging makinig sa akin.

Kung ako ay magpatuloy sa pagpapari at naibigay ko ang huling Sakramento sa aking ina, ay tiyak isa sa mga pangarap ko ay nakamit. Gusto ko kasi kung mawawala na ang babaeng nagbigay inspirasyon sa akin ay sa tahimik at mapayapang lugar siya mapupunta kasama ang Diyos. Sa kasalukuyan kong edad na 18, marunong pa rin akong ma-“in love” pero wala pa ring tutulad kay Kristo, kay Mama Mary, San Jose at sa aking ina. Pumuti man lahat ng buhok ko, hinding-hindi kukupas ang alaala na mga taong nagmamahal at nagdarasal para sa akin.

Ecce Homo! (John 19:5)

The first inhabitants in the world were not human beings but unicellular organisms evolving to prokaryotes and eukaryotes. One thing that caught my attention when we went on a field trip in the Mind Museum in Global City, Taguig was the evolution of man which we watched in 3-D. but as I was saying, there were living being which appeared before man. They are gargantuan and miniscule reptiles. If you were thinking of the dinosaurs, then you have guessed it right. But why didn’t these creatures live the same time with the human beings?

The theory behind the beginning of the Solar System is the Big Bang theory-a massive explosion which divided atoms forming galaxies, stars and planets. When the earth was formed, it was just a single piece of land called Pangaea until the time when the movement of tectonic plates separated it into two, namely, Eurasia and Gwandanaland. There were animals which inhabited the sea and the land and flyers which dominated the air. But the most feared of all were the dinosaurs. They were on top of the food chain but they also devour one another including their offspring. It is because they have brains only the size of a walnut which is incapable of reasoning even if the time of famine comes.

65 million years ago, these dinosaurs came to extinction because of the meteor shower. They had nowhere to migrate into that would keep them alive. When they were gone, human beings appeared but they were just quite similar to apes. They are called Australopithecus afarensis. Their foreheads were wide because they were adapting to their nature of reasoning. Man evolved and was able to stand upright. He learned how to make tools for him to hunt for animals as food. A new set of men called Homo erectus appeared. Finally, man discovered a lot of things to survive in this material world. He hunted animals not only for food but also for their fur to be used as clothing. He discovered fire to be used in his everyday living. He started and developed his territories which later on would become civilizations. He is now a wise man-Homo sapien sapiens.

Man still evolves through time. He seeks answers for his inquiries. He gives himself pleasure when his mind is being fed with new information. He continues learning new things, changing these from primitive to modern doctrines. Though he is gifted with the intellect and the will, he still has a little knowledge of everything compared to the Omniscient Being which is God. God is so intelligent that He made dinosaurs disappear before us. He prepared the environment for us to fulfill His command “to have dominion over all.” Indeed, the beauty of creation which science could hardly explain.

Ghost of the Christmas Present (A Fiction)

Ghost of the Christmas Present

(A Fiction)

By Vince Stanley Inigo

I can’t believe what happened yesterday. A very dear friend of mine visited me after the Misa de Gallo. Well, I have not introduced “her” personally to my parents yet but I know that the right time will come that they will be able to meet the girl face-to-face.

The Mass just ended and Fr. Mascardo asked me to arrange the altar wine and hosts in the Sacristy. I have to keep those out of reach because some of the sacristans would box one another out and get some in the cabinets. The parish priest would not see what happens there but as the sacristan major, I am the one accountable for such incidents.

I was alone in the Sacristy, I heard someone chuckling from the back door.

At first, the steps also scared me so I did not have any second thoughts of asking, “Who is it?”

“You’re surprised again?”, she replied.

“Come on! Of course not, Michaela.”

“Just waiting for you. I can’t believe that it’s almost Christmas. I’m very sorry if I have not prepared any present for you.”

“Your presence is enough, my lady.”

She held my hand and embraced me saying, “I missed you so much!”

“Oh no! Not here! We do it outside. This is a sacred place.”, I kiddingly told her.

“We have grown so fast. I can still remember our first communion when you were...”

“Alright, continue it later as we walk in the park. I would love to watch the sunrise with you. Let me undress this tunic first, I don’t want to get it stained. I’ll be right back.”

“I’ll wait for you here.”

She always mentions about our First Communion every time we meet. I had memorized the sequence of her story.  Every line, every punctuation mark. She would remind me that I was already staring at her at the line trying to wait for her eyes to meet mine. We were in Grade 3 that time. It was in San Fernando de Dilao Parish in Paco, Manila. Msgr. Rolando dela Cruz, our Parish Priest, presided over the Celebration. I also can’t forget how pale Michaela was that day but the radiance of her smile illuminated my world. We were paired and it felt like a wedding as we marched together to receive the Body of Christ.

A jeepney ride would take us to Paco Park. We are still on vacation. There are no discounts for the student passengers. So, I had to pay eight pesos (P 8.00) for my ride. As for Michaela, she got it for free. Why? Apart from Mang Clemente, the jeepney driver, is her father, Michaela is “invisible”. I was about to pull the coins out of my pocket but then Mang Clemente recognized me so he insisted that I would have a free trip to Paco Park. Aside from I was born lucky, it was Divine Providence that I rode Mang Clemente’s jeepney.

“Libre na! Pamasko ko na sa iyo. (It’s for free. Take is as a present this Christmas.)”, Mang Clemente told me as he was looking at the front mirror and giving a smile even if he no longer has his two front teeth.

“Maraming salamat po! Maligayang Pasko! (Thank you very much! Merry Christmas!)”

We hopped out of the jeepney when we stopped at Padre Faura Street and we went to Paco Park. It was a very bright sunny day to have a walk, eat taho and probably take photos. Michaela was in great excitement. I wonder why. As if she does not go with me there every time I’m home for vacation.

I really love conversing with this woman. Not only that she is full of wisdom but she is someone who is ready to listen to stories.

The Holy Spirit was inspiring me that day that I cannot wait to tell someone what I was reflecting on. So, I began to ask her, “Do you know when was the first time that John the Baptist prepared the way for the Lord Jesus?”

“I don’t know. When he baptized Jesus, maybe?”

“That was the concrete example that we know.”

“Then when?”

“Do you remember that in the Gospel John leapt for joy in his mother’s womb when he heard Mary coming?”

“Yes? But please tell me the story.”

“That was the first time. John leapt for joy saying, ‘NANDITO NA SIYA! (Here he comes!)’ He could have been celebrating so much. You would not expect that John and Jesus are already partying when they were still at their fetal stage.”

It was an accomplishment when I made her laugh.

“How did you know?”, she asked.

“From other preachers. They love making up stories too.”

“Tell me more! Now, I’m listening to a future preacher.”

“Do you know that Mary is not the only one who can give birth to Jesus this Christmas?”

“Really? Who else?”, she curiously asked.

“You can! I can!”

“You’re ridiculous!”

“Every one of us who would do a good deed and would give with love is giving birth to Christ.

Caritas means charity in Latin. It is also an alternative word for love. Without love, there is no charity.

The brothers in the seminary would always tell one another this phrase, ‘Deus caritas est’. In English, ‘God is love’. If people see us full of love, they can see God in us. And I hope that I can share to all of you how God loves me.”

“You know, I really have to blame you for all this. Why do you do this to me?” , Michaela said as if she was really angry.

“What did I do?”

“I had a deal with my father before. I told him that no one can make me fall in love before I had my debut on my 18^th birthday.”

“Did you lose?”

“Well, today I’m walking with the person who made me lose the deal.”

“I’m very sorry.”

I could not believe that she would admit that same feeling of affection that I had told her when we were still in ... O my, I guess, I really have not told her about it yet. We were really young back then. She knows that I am planning to become a priest someday but I also told her that there are possibilities that God will choose His priests and will have a better plan for me.

But then she added, “It’s alright. I thank you that you came to my life. I still need you.”

I blushed when she said that, REALLY!

Then, she continued, “Remember that in the Book of Genesis, God tore a flesh from the man’s side and created a woman.

And why did He tear a flesh from the side? Because a man and a woman should walk side-by-side with the Lord.

Sad to say but the two of us can no longer be together in this world, my friend. But I assure you that we will one day meet in Paradise sharing more stories. You will accomplish a lot of tasks. Good for you, the list of your missions here on earth still extends like the River Nile.

I always remind you about our First Communion together. It was a marriage, indeed, not for you and for me, but our covenant with God. He wants you to continue the Eucharist not in remembrance of what happened to you and me that day but of Him, who offered Himself as a helpless infant on the very first Christmas Eve until His last breath. You may think that you are not worthy but His death made us realize our worth of His love. I may not have received the Body of Christ when they rushed me to the hospital when we were in 3^rd grade. I was dying of Leukemia. I just wished for myself that at the hour when the gates of our Home are opening, I would be able to touch Jesus’s wounds.

I wish that you would become a great preacher, Vince. Whether you become a priest or not, proclaim His Word that you may bring the Truth and happiness to the people. Do not attract people to imitate you only with the words you say but also with the life you live. I can see that you have grown to be a very gentle man.

Amidst chaos, there should be peace in the heart. As you always wish for me, that I may rest in peace.

Remember that I’m always praying for you. Until next year, Vince. Take care.”

What remained was a memory of hands caressing my face in the midst of the morning dew. Her words were sweeter than the caramel in the taho – the ghost of Michaela I see every Christmas.

Requiem aeternam dona eis, Domine

Et lux perpetua luceat eis. Amen.

(Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord

And let your perpetual light shine upon them. Amen.)